Pairings/Characters: Mogi/Misa. Set after the end of the anime.
Warnings: Spoilers of how things end for Misa; I say 'Raito' instead of 'Light' and I'm sorry if that annoys anyone ^^
Word Count: 1,866
He found the notes afterwards - scribbles in the margins of an old textbook. He isn't usually the sort of person who sees patterns where there aren't any, but then the Kira case changed a lot of people.
Attachment - virus binds itself to surface of cell
He realises when they tell her that Raito is dead. They watch her face, and he sees it freeze - her lips press together and her eyes widen, giving her the same expression she usually has whenever she is building up to a rage about (losing at Go, Ryuzaki tagging along on a date, seeing Raito's bit on the side across the corridor) something. This time there's no rage. She just swallows, and keeps staring.
The others turn away. He doesn't. He's expecting her to drop the act (like she did when she was on a shoot, pouting and complaining about the lack of choice of drinks or the director being mean) and turn to him and grin like she always did, they're being so mean, doesn't Mochi think so? He realises then (although maybe he always knew, he just never worked it out) and perhaps that's why he offers her a lift home. Or perhaps he just wants to be there when the act drops (except that of course it won't. He knows how much she loved Raito. Everyone did).
In the car with lights turning her face sallow she sits, knees to her chest like a child (it's dangerous to sit like that in the front seat but he doesn't say anything) and she twists strands of hair round her fingers and eventually she says:
"I don't remember when I first met him."
He's glad he can keep his eyes on the road. Because what's he meant to say to her? (The task force have discussed what lack of memory might mean. Right now he chooses to believe they were wrong in their suspicions.)
"Why can't I remember? I want to. It's not fair. It's not fair, why can't I?" She sounds like she's pouting and about to stamp her foot, but when he risks a glance, he sees her mouth is trembling and she's tugging harder and harder on the hair in her fist. "So stupid, why can't I remember?" Another glance; a trembling grin. "He - he always thought Misa was so stupid -"
"You're not stupid." But possibly he himself is for blurting out something like that. It doesn't matter, anyway. She just carries on, "It should be that I remember more now, right, Mochi? You know, you sit and you remember all the good times and cry..."
They pull up outside the flat and they both realise, at the same time, that inside the rooms will be full of Raito's absence and Misa curls up on herself and says, like a child (like a real child, not the cutesy kid she pretends to be) "I don't know what to do."
When he offers to let her stay at his he knows already why he's doing it. He's appalled at himself that he can even think such a thing, but - Raito was Kira, and cruel.
Penetration - virus enters host cell
He only put his hand on her arm and then she whirled round to face him and she hissed at him "You were lying. He can't be dead, Misa knows he can't be dead, you were lying," and he doesn't even need to say no, we weren't because she's already screaming it (throwing another tantrum? He chooses not to see it that way) and he has his arms round her and he's breathing in the strawberry smell of her hair and (stop it, he's saying to himself, but he isn't meaning it, he's just testing it out, just so he can say afterwards that he tried) and -
She stops screaming at the task force and she screams instead at Raito, that he went away and left her like she always knew he would, and she is quivering with fury and then she stretches up - "It's not fair, it's not fair -" and then they're kissing. She tastes of make-up and chocolate mousse and not of tears and why shouldn't he kiss her? He doesn't know any other way to make her better, just like Kira's victims could never be brought back to life -
She doesn't call Raito's name at any point, which he supposes he should be grateful for, and afterwards she saunters round his home and spills coffee on the table and flicks channels on the TV as if bored and he watches her and even these actions are (special? No, just a sign that she's all right really, that she didn't love Raito as much as the evidence said -)
She chatters, after a while - about dyeing her hair (it was after this creepy guy tried to kill me. Misa wanted a change of image! And I was getting bored anyway) about the Teito Hotel (it's so pretty there, haven't you ever stayed there before, Mochi? You should go. I was soooo lucky ending up there) about the Kira case and Ryuzaki and Raito (Misa was ready to kill him! Spying on us all the time. Misa couldn't even kiss Raito because that pervert would be watching. And then a smile that should be languorous and satisfied but is just desperate, but it was worth it, when we finally got away and Misa got her Raito alone, it was worth it...)
Uncoating - viral capsid breaks down, freeing viral nucleic acid
As the days get longer and hotter he still visits her, talks to her, sleeps with her if she takes his hand and strokes her fingers down his and murmurs Mochi... or rests her head against his shoulder. And it's all right, because even if she was the second Kira, once, now she - (needs him? Don't be stupid) now it doesn't matter. (Her being the second Kira genuinely doesn't matter. A lot of other things do still matter, but he doesn't think about them.)
Now she is back in the flat she shared with Raito and all his clothes and shoes and books and papers are still there even though it is seven months since he died. And yet it's obvious he isn't there any more because the things are never moved and Misa, who doesn't care much about housework at the best of times, never lifts them up to dust around them or even straightens them if they get knocked out of place. There isn't anything left from when this was the Kira task force HQ (and yes, it really was, wasn't it?) but that just means there are gaps. Gaps and untidiness, as if Raito's life is decaying through the rooms.
She talks about Raito naturally, mentioning him in passing, or when it's relevant (or sometimes when it isn't relevant at all, but he can forgive that) and he doesn't see her screaming any more.
She talks enough for the both of them, but that doesn't mean she needs him or even wants him that much; she is putting up with him because he is useful to her. (He makes it better? Perhaps not even that -) He's not stupid. He can see this. And so he keeps silent, perpetuates the myth that they complement each other because of their speech patterns, cooks for her (Raito was quite good at cooking, apparently, but he didn't like to do it much, he didn't have the time).
Replication - viral genomes produced in host cell
The sunlight grows sadder and she talks more slowly, disjointedly, as if she's running out of things to say. Usually, he doesn't mind silences, but now - for the first time in his life - he finds himself making pointless small talk to fill them. She still doesn't listen, but sometimes she smiles.
Once he said to her something that felt as if it wasn't pointless:
"Is this really helping you?"
And she lay still, watching the squares of streetlight on the ceiling, and then she rolled over, laughed at him and said, "Silly Mochi. Misa-Misa doesn't need help."
She burns candles when he's not at the flat. He sees blobs of wax speckling the dusty surface of the desk Raito sat at. Sometimes when she opens the door to him she looks past as though someone else is standing behind him.
He never used to be any good at pretending (except when he was masquerading as her manager, and perhaps that started it all off) but now he pretends all the time that they can go on like this forever. He isn't stupid enough to talk to her about the future, but sometimes he daydreams about it and tells no one.
(Whatever he felt about her before, now he is in love with her. If only because he's worried for her. If only because while he is worried for her it means she needs him.)
He wonders what she's pretending, and who the candles are for.
Release - viruses are released from host cell
When she suicides he will first be angry, at how stupid he was to - to let things get that far? To drive her to it? (Raito is the one who killed people -) To do nothing more than be concerned because it suited him - well, that one is probably true.
On her last day she called him and told him she wouldn't be in until nine because the shoot would probably overrun. That acknowledgement that they had plans (a future, even if it was only hours ahead) had made him a little happier all day.
(Once Raito was dead, she'd decided she didn't have a future, and now he was starting to believe her.)
Once he would have liked to do something stupid, like buy her flowers, but he knew it would say too much and (remember, she talks enough for both of us). Raito only bought her flowers once. But that made it special!
She falls from the Tokyo Tower and he calls her sister and he helps pack up her possessions (Raito's get swept into the boxes too and it's too much effort to separate them again. She'd told Mrs Yagami there was nothing left) and then he locks the door of the flat behind them and he walks out into the greying afternoon and he wonders if she was angry at being the one left to carry on as well.